ADHD, Single Parenting and Guilt
I have this big, ugly pair of slip-resistant work shoes. I lost them about two months ago. I have no clue where they could be.
I am forgetful, chaotic, and messy. I am ADHD inattentive type. I am also a single mom to a 13-year-old girl who is also ADHD. We have our share of mayhem on a regular basis.
Often, I wonder at my ability to function in an adult world. Yes, I’m a productive member of society and yes, I’m a good mother, but there is also a certain amount of guilt that follows me around like a dark shadow.
I know I am teaching my child about the important things in life. I never fear for the kind of person she will become, but I worry that I am not teaching her how to live practically in the adult world. I wonder if my ADHD gets in the way of my parenting.
The Tug of Guilt
Guilt. Such a small word to have such a profound impact on the soul.
When I see the disorganization in my home, all I feel is guilt. My daughter can’t have a friend over without it meaning a marathon cleaning session beforehand.
I tell myself that because of my long list of shortcomings, my daughter will be ill prepared to keep house, stay organized and on task, and get her bills paid. These are vital to her success in life. What if I am not properly preparing her?
Most of the time, I embrace both my single status and my ADHD. I rather like the relative freedom of being single and I definitely love my creativity. Sometimes, though, when I look around at the “normal” moms, I can’t help but feel that tug of guilt inside.
Why can’t I be more like them? Why doesn’t my home look like the pictures in magazines? Why can’t I find anything when I need it? Why did I never re-marry?
There is also guilt in admitting “faults.” What would people think if they knew my house was always a mess or that I struggle with the simple tasks, like getting the garbage out on time, or staying on top of things like oil changes and paying bills?
I’ve been on my own for a long time. There is no tag team; no one to remind or prod me, or to back me up. There is only me. I have to be everything and everyone all the time. What if I’m not enough?