Living With ADHD and Anxiety
Having ADHD can be rough. You spend so much time trying to concentrate that you are concentrating on concentrating and missing what’s going on around you.
It’s easy to get bogged down in your worry and stress. You may find yourself angry at everything and nothing, short-tempered, and on edge.
When my anxiety is raging, I often find I have a much lower tolerance for people in general. It seems everything gets on my nerves no matter how small. I just want to curl up and ignore all my responsibilities.
It Is Exhausting and Stressful
It’s only natural that ADHD and anxiety would go hand in hand. There’s so much to keep up with, and so much we can mess up. There are only so many mistakes we can make in a day without feeling like we are failing everyone.
Sometimes the anxiety seems to come from a separate source. I can see that my social phobia could stem from my ADHD. After all, social situations are prime opportunity to be embarrassed by traits I may not be able to control. I can’t help but wonder if I would be that way even without my ADHD.
Honestly, I will never know. I will always have ADHD, and I will always have anxiety. Maybe the two travel hand in hand and maybe they are separate entities.
Coping With ADHD and Anxiety
No matter which came first, it took years for me to accept these two traits not as shortcomings or afflictions, but as part of who I am. For years I just wanted them to go away so I could be “normal.”
That kind of thinking was wrong. There is no cure. There doesn’t need to be. Treatment and managing symptoms are important, but so is learning to accept yourself as you are. I found this to be the most difficult undertaking, but worth the time and effort.
Only through time, soul-searching, studying, and connecting with others like me have I learned that I could treat my ADHD and anxiety as an extension of myself. They are character traits.
I had to learn to be kind to myself and remember that my dentist was not up all night dwelling on our conversation making sure he hadn’t said anything wrong. He was home sleeping, not even remembering our mundane talk.
What Are Some Things You Can Do to Ease Anxiety?
- Stop and meditate. It can be as easy as concentrating on your breathing. Be mindful of each breath and spend a few moments mindfully inhaling and exhaling.
- Talk to someone who understands. Call a friend or family member that you trust and can talk to. Share your feelings with them, or ask them to distract you.
- Our brains seem hardwired to accept the negative, but we often have a hard time believing the positive things about ourselves. Use affirmations to rewire your brain for empowering messages.
- Turn up the music and let it help lift your mood. My daughter often says music is what helps her through the toughest times.
- Aerobic activity. Get moving even when you don’t feel like it. The endorphins released from exercise have incredible mental benefits.
- Get your hands busy. Art, crafts, gardening – whatever makes you happy can help. It may be hard to get your mind on something else completely, but doing something you enjoy that keeps your hands busy can contribute to redirect your attention. I find knitting soothing when I am overly anxious. My daughter turns to her artwork.
Spending some time learning to recognize your anxiety triggers and finding alternate solutions will be substantial. A therapist can help you to not only identify your triggers but assist you with coping strategies and lifestyle changes.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
I still turn red for no reason when someone talks to me, I will never feel comfortable walking into a room full of people, and I replay conversations and feel like an idiot on a regular basis.
These things are never going to go away, but I have to accept them as part of myself and work with them as best I can.
I’m sure the other moms at my daughter’s school think of me as that weird, quiet woman. I often cry before I have to go into a social situation or somewhere where I know I will have to talk to a stranger. The important thing is that I do it anyway. Because I am human and I have to live in this world, and I have to do unpleasant tasks.
I can use my ADHD and even my anxiety to my advantage. Instead of hiding because I’m afraid of what I might say or do, I can live my life knowing I will make mistakes and do dumb things, but at the end of the day, those things aren’t going to matter. In a year’s time, no one is going to remember them.
It’s easy to see the gifts of ADHD. Creativity, passion, heart, and intelligence are just a few. It’s harder to see any good in anxiety. It can rob us and steal our lives if we let it. But it’s a part of us.
Anxiety can cause us to be careful, conscientious, driven and focused. This may sound outrageous, but it can be true. I can treat my anxiety, but I will never be free of it, so I had to start looking at the flip side; the side that isn’t all bad– even if the good is hard to find, difficult to remember, and maybe even very small.
Resources
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (What are the Five Major Types of Anxiety Disorders)